Another interesting story

[juliedevos]

So kind of similar to the last one...
There was this guy..a friend of my boyfriend (they knew each other in high school and for the life of me I cant remember his name)

Anyways he dated this girl for a year and he kept noticing that when ever she finished dinner she would leave the table to go to the bathroom. He thought she was throwing up. THen at her apartment he found an empty box of needle tips. Yup she was diabetic and didnt tell him.

How ridiculous is that? Needless to say he broke up with her after he confronted her about it. Why would someone be soo ashamed of having diabetes. Its not like you got some STD and are hiding it cause you feel bad that you behaved stupidly.

SO what you have diabetes..others have bad hair, bad breath, big boobs, nice eyes, are outgoing, have flat feet, wear glasses...its just a part of you like everything else.

Dont be ashamed. Stand up, be proud, be an embassador!!

Julie

[Gemstone]

Did he broke-up because she had diabetes?

I can understand her need to hide it...or at least not to tell. It's a lot of explaining to do. People who don't have it can't understand all it implies and have misconceptions ( good or bad ) that I really don't want or need to deal with. Even though I won'T hide it, I won't tell either except if I really have to.

[juliedevos]

No he broke up with her basically because she lied to him for an entire year. They dated for an entire year and she didnt have intentions of telling him.

1. I think thats irresponsilble...what is something happened and he had no idea?

2. Its like lying and why wouldnt you want to share that info with someone you're close with

3. Just insane!

Julie

[Anita]

[quote:c20ffe6e52="Gemstone"]I can understand her need to hide it...or at least not to tell. [/quote:c20ffe6e52]
Why???
If she would have been direct and tell things upfront (not after the first date, but say after 3 dates) all would have been normal.
I can't believe he left her because of the diabetes itself.
He might thought she is on drugs or that she's anorex or something like this.

Whenever I hear such a story I just want to cry.
Tell you what - it's his loss!!

[Gemstone]

I can understand her need to hide it...or at least not to tell.

Why???

WHen I was diagnosed, 6 months prior my husband's diagnosis, I took the time to think if I should tell him or not. First, he is so worried as soon as I am sick even for a little cold so I didn't want him to worry or to feel helpless. Then, there is the whole issue of being treated differently. If I was to tell my mom, my friends, anyone who could invite me for a meal...how would they react? They would be uneasy at the though of inviting me...in fact, I haven't been invited anymore at a few place I used to go from time to time. Instead, when we have a meal together, we go to a restaurant.

There is many reasons not to tell. Not everyone feel the same of course. Anita, it all depend on the relation with the person (s).

Julie, perhaps it's different for someone who dealt with it from young age like you did. I am still trying to get accustomed to it myself so perhaps one day I won't mind as much.

[juliedevos]

I dont know...I cant understand why someone would want to hide that. I dont mean go out and tell everyone you meet right away...but I dont think it should even enter your mind not too tell. I just think the importance of telling should outweight the thoughts of not/

What if you are with a group of people and no one knows and you have something go wrong? You are in a car with a friend and you crash and no one knows you are diabetic?

Yes sometimes its hard for people to understand but its part of who you are!

Think about how much the average person doesnt know about diabetes? Where are they going to learn about it?

From others that have the disease, we are their best resource!!

And yes it is terrible that some of your relationships have changed. I think thats aweful on the part of those people. However part of me thinks that there needs to be better communication. Communication is key. Gemstone you are married....you understand the importance of it.

And yes from time to time when I meet a new person they ask the over done ridiculous questions. Can you eat sugar? Hotdogs? Bread? Fruit? I thought you couldnt eat any sugar at all or you will die. No. Billy everyone needs some source of fuel to live, its insulin that I need.

And yes for you, your personal situation is a bit different in that you have a very controlled diet and this is how you manage YOUR disease...everyone does it a bit differently. How are your friends, family, someone new you meet ever going to know that about you and all other diabetics unless you educate them?

What is the statstistic now? How many people have diabetes and dont know it? How many of them even really know what diabetes is? Obviously there is a communication breakdown somewhere.

And no one should treat you differently unless you allow them to. I do know exactly how you feel. When I was diagnosed my best friend was afraid to visit me in the hospital. She never did. She didnt because she had no idea what diabetes was, how its treated, and if I was going to be ok. Even her mother was afraid to have me over to their house for dinner. However with communication that all changed.

Diabetes is a part of me its a part of my life but I dont let it run it. I am a better/stronger person becaue of it and I would NEVER let it hold me back from the things that I want to do. And I do realize I grew up in an open environment that encouraged me to talk about it and others may not have. But that doesnt change what you can do right now. Invite your friends over to dinner to your place, or offer to bring a dish to dinner that you can eat, there are ways of dealing. It might not be exactly the same as it ws before but there are things that you can do to help the situation.

I know its hard, heck some days I get so tired of being diabetic and I think I would trade it in a heart beat but it has helped shape who I am. I would have never been to camp if it wasnt for it. I would have never been this in tune with my body. I wouldnt have as close a bond with my brother. I wouldnt be this passionate about learning as much as I can about the body. I wouldnt have come up with such a great name for my dog (BANTING). :-D

I guess it's my wish that every diabetic will one day to be able to accept the cards that they were given, and not to feel ashamed and want to hide this part of themselves.

Thats why this site is so important. Once you get accustomed to talking about issues with your diabetic friends it becomes easier to talk to other people about it.

Sorry if I upset anyone with my posts from before about the guy and the girl and my response. It wasnt in any my intention. I guess I just want people to try to accept it as I have.

Julie

[Gemstone]

Julie, it is not shame.

It makes me think when I was between 10 and 15 years old; I had a big birthmark on my left thigh... big as from my buttock down to my knee, the complete side. Each time I was wearing shorts or a bathing suit, I had people stare and ask questions. I was so tired of being questionned about it that I stopped wearing shorts and stopped going swimming with people other than close family and it lasted until today even though that birthmark is so faint now, you have to know it's there to see it. I think it's a self-protection issue. Each time I was questionned, it was like an agression. I don't want to have to explain myself all the time; I don't want to wear a sticker telling who I am. I am more than just a diabetic. The ones who want to know me will learn in due time.

So, if I go out with people who don't know or if I drive out alone I wear my medic-alert bracelet. I never had a question about it. Anyway, most people wouldn't know what to do if I went hypo and I am not on a cruisade to educate people about diabetes. From what I've seen yet, the average person is not interested to know about it. They don't even realize that there is sugar in almost everything so it would be an Heculean task. Ever tried to explain that you can eat 84% cacao chocolate while you can't eat a slice of bread? I've preached in the desert enough already. I prefer to spend my energies into educating people who already have the desease and want to control it.

Yes, as you say, there is thousand of people who have diabetes and don't know it or don't want to know!! Doctors have get their act together and follow some guidelines for diagnosis and treatment. They know it's taken epidemic proportions, they should test all their patients at least once a year and treat agressively as fast as possible.

Don't worry, you didn't upset me at all with your posts. This is a healthy and interesting discussion.

[juliedevos]

I am like in that I dont want to the only thing people to see about me is the diabetes. It is a HUGE part of my life though. I have been working at a summer camp for children with diabetes for 8 years and was a camper there for 3. For me every summer I see kids who are ashamed are angry and hate the world and that place gives them hope and a normal.Many of these kids have those friends for life and take what they have learned and their feelings towards their disease and pass it on. They gain a sense of well being and acceptance. Its one of the best things I have ever done and I would not be the same person had I not worked there. Most of the important skills in life I learned attending and working there.

I also had an experience like the one you described with the birthmark. I broke my leg skiing and had to have surgery and have a 20cm scar on my hip and down my leg and another one at the side of my knee 7cm. It did bother me at first and it was really hard and I hated the way my leg looked but then after a bit you think" why am I wasting time and energy worring about showing this? Who cares?" Its funny sometimes I forget I even have it, its just so much a part of me. And its not small either in some places its 3cm wide. But really I couldnt let that bother me and stop me from swimming (which I LOVE) or wearing shorts and sometimes I do get the odd question here or there but I just tell them what it is and why I have it. Not really a big deal at least for me.

Everyone has something about them thats different. My sister has a nose that goes more to one side. My mom has this one really wierd toenail from when she lost it and it grew back very strange, she wears sandals still.
I guess its how you want to look at things and spend time worring about things you cant change. I mean I know that if I had a large birthmark on my face I would have probably a harder time excepting that, but I think there's alot more to that situation.

I guess with the diabetes and having people around me that wouldnt know...it would be like not telling them something important about myself. It is the reason for a lot of decisions I make and sometimes it effects the way I think about different issues I would want people to know the reasons behind why I am the way I am I guess.

Anyways everyone have a good day! I am off to write an exam! Wooo whooo!
Julie

[Gemstone]

I believe it might be different for Type 1 too as you have no other choice than taking insulin and it's really part of your life full time. For me, type 2 as well as many I know, I can choose to ignore it and *forget* to take my pills for a couple of days. Of course I'll feel bad and I'll cause damages to my body but I doubt it would kill me, for now at least. If you were to avoid your insulin, consequences would be much severe! It is much more part of your life than it is for me.

From time to time time it's obsessing, when I lose control and try to gain it back. When I am back on track, it's just like brushing my teeth, an everyday detail of my life.

You lived with it for years... I don't remember if you said it before but I guess you must be in your early 20's? Meaning you lived with it for at least 10 years now. It's my 5th year... I still have lots to learn, lots to think about and I might also change what I think more than once in my lifetime.

I don't think for me diabetes is important enough - I mean, it does not define who I am, how I interract with others - for it to shape my personality... like I won't tell people I wear a bridge.

Good luck for your exam.

[Anita]

Tell you why to tell as soon as possible, at least to a boyfriend - all those #$%# that will leave you when you're sick, even if this is diabetes, better be off.
And the sooner the better...

Besides, I always prefer open and honest relationship.